BFF or backup spouse? Here’s why Marriage Pacts died out on screen

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Cute in theory. Disaster in reality. It plays on “the fear that you may end up alone, and the fantasy that someone who already knows you will eventually choose you – traumas, quirks, allergies and snack preferences included,” Kalpak says. What sounds like an insurance policy is actually fear in a tuxedo, a belief that being single is so unwelcome that you’re willing to settle for someone you could have built a relationship with all along. And the lowkey insult that you’re someone’s Plan B.

It drove people in the real world to make the same promises with their friends. Head to Quora or Reddit to see how it panned out – it’s not pretty. One woman says she planned a practical, benefits-sharing marriage with her gay best friend until she met a man she actually wanted to marry, and made her hapless bestie her bridal attendant instead. Another couple went through with their pact at 30 only to discover they had zero chemistry as a couple. One divorced woman tried reviving a teenage pact after watching My Best Friend’s Wedding – let’s just say she fared worse than Julia Roberts in lavender satin.

Chandni Tugnait, 40, a Gurugram-based relationship counsellor, says marriage pacts are far more common in India than we realise. “They’re usually framed like a joke, but underneath is a desire for emotional safety in a dating world that feels unpredictable.” She sees them most among people worn down by dating fatigue or quiet age-related pressure.

The trope has gone missing from the screen. And good riddance. Because we’re finally realising how stupid it was. In Friends, Monica and Chandler made it work but, the Ted-Robin pact in How I Met Your Mother was bound to fail. He was just too clingy; she was just not interested in commitment (the classic anxious-avoidant recipe for disaster). In Casey Dembowski’s 2021 novel When We’re Thirty, lifelong friends revisit their pact only to find that they’ve both changed. TV tried reviving the idea in 2023, with The Marriage Pact, a reality show that followed singles as they considered fulfilling or breaking the promises they’d made years ago. No one looks excited about settling for their platonic buddy.

The fallback idea is big among American students. In 2017, Liam McGregor co-founded Marriage Pact, a scheme in which Stanford University students took a 50-question survey and were matched with ideal partners that they could pair up with if they didn’t find The One after a certain age. The questions covered communication styles, conflict resolution, smoking and drug habits, and grew so popular, it’s now on 88 college campuses across the US.

But largely IRL, we’re finally tossing the bouquet back into the void. Modern love stories now show people in therapy, sorting through childhood chaos, and actually pausing to ask if they want a relationship or if they just need eight hours of sleep. Dear Zindagi (2016) lets Kaira choose sanity over situationships. Tamasha (2015) makes Ved and Tara deal with their personal circus before thinking of romance. Piku (2015) turns independence into a full lifestyle choice, proving that solo trips, clean sheets, and solid careers, truly maketh a happier woman. Fleabag, Barbie, and The Queen’s Gambit remind women that romance is optional, emotional functioning is essential, and self-sufficiency is not Plan B, it’s just a perfectly respectable life plan.