There’s one sentence that most of us in Indian households have heard growing up: “Log kya kahenge?”
We are often judged for our decisions based on societal pressure. Be it choosing an unconventional career path or finding a partner out of parents’ choice or planning not to have a child, we are asked to think about what society will say. Sometimes it’s said lightly, and sometimes it lands like a warning. Over time, it stops sounding like advice and starts feeling like surveillance.
You may not even realise when it corrupts your system, where you hesitate doing anything or taking any decision without thinking about society. You always think about a justification before taking action, which slowly invades your decision-making and affects your psychological and mental health. The pressure is rarely loud; it is subtle, and that is what makes it powerful.
Social Pressure and Anxiety
Social pressure in India isn’t always about one person judging you. It’s more collective, involving the extended family, neighbours, society, and even the community. The ‘log’ is rarely specific, yet it feels everywhere. So, before making a decision, your mind quietly asks, Will this look irresponsible? Will someone think less of me? Will this embarrass my family? Even when no one is actively criticising you, the imagined reaction shapes behaviour.What is Social Anxiety Disorder?
Psychotherapist Dr Chandni Tugnait defines, “Social Anxiety Disorder, often referred to as Social Phobia, is a recognised mental health condition in which a person experiences a strong and ongoing fear of being observed, judged, or negatively evaluated in social or performance situations. This fear is not occasional nervousness. It is persistent and intense enough to affect daily life, including work, education, and relationships.”
People who face social anxiety may avoid social situations, or they endure them with a lot of discomfort. The anxiety is usually not proportionate to the actual risk involved and tends to persist over time. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, for a clinical diagnosis, the symptoms must be there for a long time, like for six months or more, and must meaningfully interfere with the person’s ability to function or feel at ease in daily life, and regular social interactions.
What is High-Functioning Social Anxiety?
High-functioning social anxiety describes a pattern where a person appears confident and capable in public or professional settings, but within themselves, they struggle with continuous fear of social judgment by people all around them.- They may perform well at work, participate in social gatherings, and maintain responsibilities, yet feel deeply self-conscious throughout these interactions.
- Much of their mental energy is spent trying to prepare and trying to anticipate how they will be perceived by others, and how they should act in certain situations.
- Because they continue to meet expectations, their distress often goes unnoticed.
- To other people, they may seem as organised, disciplined, or socially skilled, while within themselves, they feel very tense or unsure of how to act and behave.
- After a conversation has happened, they may replay every single detail repeatedly, worrying that they said or did something wrong.
This extremeness in their minds can be very exhausting over time.
A comprehensivestudy published in ResearchGate establishes the link between social anxiety, social functioning, and psychological well-being. According to the research, always monitoring actions, conversations, and the outer surroundings can lead to emotional fatigue, withdrawal, or a sense of being overwhelmed, even when life appears to be stable. High-functioning social anxiety shows that outward competence does not always reflect inner comfort. A person can succeed in visible ways while still feeling unsettled in social situations.
What Is The Difference Between Being Shy And Having Social Anxiety?
People often use the words shyness and social anxiety interchangeably, as if they mean the same thing, but both of these terms describe very different experiences.
Shyness is usually a personality trait, where a person may feel hesitant or awkward in new social situations, especially at the beginning, but after some time, and with some familiarity, they are able to relax and participate. Their discomfort does not stop them from forming relationships or doing what they need to do in daily life.
Social anxiety feels very different from the inside. It is not just hesitation or discomfort. It is a strong, persistent fear of being judged, criticised, or embarrassed in front of others. This fear can become so intense that it begins to affect daily life. A person may avoid meetings, social gatherings, or even routine interactions because the emotional distress feels too heavy.
“While shyness may influence how someone approaches social situations, social anxiety can shape whether they approach them at all. One is temperament. The other is a mental health concern that may require understanding and support,” explains Dr Tugnait.
What Are The Physical Symptoms Of Social Anxiety?
Here are some physical symptoms of social anxiety according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America:- Sudden palpitations: Sometimes, in social situations, some people feel a sudden increase in their heart rate, which is how the human body sometimes reacts to stressful situations.
- Feeling tightness in the chest or throat: This happens when a person finds it difficult to breathe properly due to being anxious, and it creates pressure on their chest.
- Sweating unexpectedly: Sometimes, stress manifests as sudden sweating on your palms, feet, and armpits, even when you are not doing any physical exertion.
- Trembling hands: For some people, when anxiety increases, their fine motor control can be affected. Their hands may tremble while writing, holding objects, or gesturing, which can make people feel more self‑conscious.
- Flushed or heated skin: For some people suddenly feel warmth or notice redness in the face or neck. This happens when emotional arousal increases blood flow to the skin.
- Dry mouth or difficulty speaking: Anxiety can reduce saliva production, making the mouth feel dry and speaking feel effortful or strained during interactions.
- Nausea or stomach discomfort: The digestive system often reacts to stress, which leads to feeling butterflies, cramps, or an urge to avoid eating before social events.
- Feeling physically frozen or stiff: Muscles may suddenly tense up, making even simple movement feel unnatural or restricted, as the body enters the zone to protect itself.
Remember, what matters is not how many situations lead to social anxiety, but how strongly it affects a person’s sense of ease and comfort. Even if it appears only in certain situations, it can still be too much for a person to handle, so it may be beneficial for them to seek support.
Research published in the American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine shows that wanting approval is human because we are wired for connection. But somewhere along the way, belonging can start to feel conditional. You are accepted as long as you follow the script, choose the right career, marry at the right time, and behave the right way. When that script becomes rigid, anxiety builds, and you start to second-guess even harmless choices. You over-explain yourself, and you rehearse conversations in your head. The body stays alert, preparing for judgment that may never come. That constant anticipation is exhausting.
How Societal Pressure Triggers Anxiety
According to Dr Tugnait, “At some point, you may notice something unsettling. Even though the people around you, the ‘log’, are not saying anything, you still feel that pressure. It is because the fear has been internalised. You start policing yourself, editing your opinions, holding back joy if it looks unconventional, and even in safe spaces, you anticipate disapproval. It is no longer about what people will say, but it is about what you have learned to expect them to say.”
Research published in PubMed Central shows that anxiety sensitivity is a significant risk factor for anxiety symptoms. Stressful life events can increase anxiety sensitivity.
How To Overcome It
Letting go of social pressure can feel disloyal. Overcoming this feeling can be difficult in the beginning, but if you stay determined and rigid, it is very much possible to let go of social pressure and anxiety.
Dr Tugnait suggests, “Ask yourself gently, if nobody reacted strongly, would I still be afraid to choose this? If this decision did not affect anyone’s image, what would I want? Because clarity grows slowly, not dramatically.”
- You do not silence social pressure overnight, but you shrink it gradually.
- Start small by saying no without a long explanation.
- Share an opinion without cushioning it
- Make one decision that aligns with you, even if it confuses someone else.
Then notice what happens. Because you will realise that the world does not collapse. Over time, our nervous system also aligns, confirms a PMC study.
Conclusion
‘Log kya kahenge?’ may never disappear completely, because cultural context runs deep. People will always have opinions, and that part is inevitable. What changes is your relationship with those opinions.
Dr Tugnait concludes by saying, “When you begin choosing alignment over applause, the anxiety softens. Not because people stop talking, but because their voices stop being louder than your own, and sometimes, that quiet shift is the most radical freedom of all. So, allow yourself to be free.”
FAQ
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Can You Have Social Anxiety Only In Certain Situations?
Yes, social anxiety can absolutely show up only in certain situations. Not everyone who has social anxiety feels anxious all the time or in every social situation. There are people for whom the discomfort can be very specific, as the anxiety may appear only while speaking in public, meeting any authority figures, attending large gatherings, eating in front of others, or interacting in unfamiliar environments. -
What is situational or performance-based social anxiety?
In this condition, a person seems to be completely normal and operates comfortably with their close friends, and in their daily routine, but they feel fear or stress in settings and situations where they believe others might judge them. -
Is social anxiety curable?
For some people, social anxiety may get better with time, but for people with severe anxiety, treatment may be necessary. It is important that you identify the signs and seek immediate aid from an expert. -
What is the root cause of social anxiety?
The amygdala is a part of the brain that controls fear. People with an overactive amygdala may have an increased response to fear, which can trigger anxiety in social situations. Alternatively, some people may develop anxiety after a significant embarrassing or unpleasant social situation.
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