Reverse Psychology: What It Is, How It Works, And Why We Fall For It

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Have you ever been told not to do something, only to feel even more tempted to go ahead and do it? That’s reverse psychology in action, a subtle form of persuasion where someone suggests the opposite of what they truly want, hoping that your natural urge to rebel will push you in their desired direction. This tactic, also known as strategic self-anticonformity, works by indirectly nudging people into certain actions while making them feel as though it was their idea all along.

Common examples include a parent pretending their child won’t like a dish, making the child want to try it or a friend telling you to stay away from a show they love, knowing you will want to check it out just to see what the fuss is about.

To explore how reverse psychology actually works and where it can become problematic, we spoke to Dr Chandni Tugnait, a renowned psychotherapist, life coach, and founder of Gateway of Healing.

What Is Reverse Psychology?

Dr Chandni explains that reverse psychology plays on a basic human trait called ‘reactance,’ the internal resistance people feel when their freedom of choice seems threatened. When someone feels like they are being told what to do, they may do the opposite just to reassert their independence. So, saying something like ‘You probably won’t like this movie’ might make someone more eager to watch it.

How Does Reverse Psychology Show Up in Relationships?

In romantic dynamics or parenting, reverse psychology often appears in more subtle ways. For example, a partner might casually say, ‘“Don’t worry, you don’t have to help,” hoping the other person will feel motivated to jump in and assist.

“Reverse psychology can be effective when used gently or humorously,” says Dr Chandni. “It may defuse tension or motivate someone without putting pressure on them.”

However, she cautions that if it’s used too frequently or with a hidden agenda, it becomes manipulative. “When someone doesn’t realise they’re being subtly controlled, it undermines trust and emotional security. Over time, they may begin to feel distant or uneasy in the relationship, even if they can’t explain why.”

When Does Reverse Psychology Cross the Line?

According to Dr Chandni, reverse psychology becomes problematic when it replaces open communication with games and indirect signals. “In close relationships, relying on tactics instead of honesty can damage intimacy. It prevents people from expressing their real needs and denies the other person the chance to respond authentically.”

She emphasises that it becomes unethical when it’s used to manipulate someone who is emotionally vulnerable, trusting, or unaware of the dynamic at play. It might offer quick results, but in the long run, it chips away at connection and emotional growth.

What Can You Do If Someone Is Using Reverse Psychology on You?

If you suspect someone is trying to steer you using reverse psychology, Dr Chandni suggests a few helpful steps:

Ask for clarity: Get them to explain why they are suggesting a certain option. Understanding their motive can reveal what they want.

Pause and evaluate: Once you recognise the game, take a moment to decide what you want without being swayed by their reverse logic.

Address it directly: Don’t hesitate to call it out. Letting them know you’re aware of the tactic often stops it in its tracks.

In the end, honest and direct communication builds far stronger connections than clever manipulation. While reverse psychology might feel like a shortcut, it rarely leads to lasting trust or intimacy.

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