Urvashi Dholakia recently opened up about life as a single mother after divorcing her partner at 18, among other things. During the heartwarming conversation, she also spoke about sending her twin sons — Sagar and Kshitij — to a boarding school, as suggested by her mother, to lead a “disciplined” life.
“It was difficult. I had to send them to a boarding school. It was my mother‘s decision, not mine, by the way. She told me that instead of keeping them with and giving them an undisciplined life, put them in a hostel to give them a disciplined life,” the actor said.
Her mother also told her, “‘You will never be able to give them time, and they will get indisciplined. How long can the grandparents do? Because they are also ageing’. So, I had to agree with that. I used to feel so bad that we were getting separated. I used to cry every day of my life. The kids are not home. But then I realised I am myself not at home,” the Kasautii Zindagi Kay fame actor told Hauterrfly.
Years later, as her children are all grown up, Dholakia reflected on how her “mother’s decision was absolutely bang on.” “My sons are disciplined. One of my sons cooks, and the other makes tea for me and does everything. All household chores,” said Dholakia, 45.
She also recalled that after her father passed away in 2010, the twins only grew up among women. “They have only grown up with women. They have seen it all. They know what it is to live with women. They have seen the hardships. So, they know,” said Dholakia.
Taking a leaf out of Dholakia’s life, let’s understand how boarding schools are tied to discipline.
While these institutions have traditionally been associated with privilege and academic excellence, their impact on children’s development, particularly boys, extends far beyond scholarly achievements, said Dr Chandni Tugnait, psychotherapist, founder and director, Gateway of Healing.
Living environment and independence: The boarding school setting creates a unique living laboratory where students must master essential life skills early on. “Young people learn to manage their personal space, maintain hygiene routines, and organise their daily schedules without parental oversight. This environment naturally cultivates self-reliance and responsibility that many day school students don’t develop until college,” said Dr Tugnait.
Emotional development in boys: Dr Tugnait said that boys in boarding schools experience a distinctive developmental journey. “The structured environment helps them process emotions and develop resilience in a supported setting. While homesickness is common initially, the experience teaches them to build emotional fortitude and develop healthy coping mechanisms. Many boys learn to express feelings appropriately while maintaining the balanced masculinity that comes from positive peer interactions,” said Dr Tugnait.
Modern disciplinary approaches: Today’s boarding schools teach internal discipline rather than enforcing strict external control. “Students learn the natural consequences of their actions through real-life experiences. The 24/7 learning environment helps them understand how their choices impact themselves and their community, fostering a deeper sense of responsibility than traditional punishment-based systems,” said Dr Tugnait.
Social skills and community living: The immersive social environment of boarding schools provides intensive training in interpersonal skills. “Students learn to navigate roommate relationships, resolve conflicts directly, and build lasting friendships across diverse backgrounds. These skills prove invaluable in future professional and personal situations, particularly in increasingly globalized workplaces,” said Dr Tugnait.
Academic structure and time management: Boarding schools enforce structured study times and supervised academic sessions, teaching students how to manage their time effectively. “The balance between mandatory study hours and free time helps students develop crucial time management skills while maintaining space for personal interests and social activities,” said Dr Tugnait.
Structured study times are enforced (Photo: Freepik)
Long-term impact: The boarding school experience often produces individuals with strong leadership capabilities, excellent time management skills, and well-developed emotional intelligence. “These qualities frequently translate into successful personal relationships and professional achievements in adulthood, though individual results vary based on personality and circumstances,” said Dr Tugnait.
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