Query: My boss has been giving me subtle hints to have an affair with him. I don’t want to lose this job and so I am not outrightly dismissing him but I am scared. He is a married man and a dangerous territory. What should I do?
Response by Dr Chandni Tugnait: Hi, thank you for writing to us. I completely understand how unpleasant this situation may be for you. The dynamics involved in love and relationships are often complex. However, no one deserves to be in a position where they feel like they have to engage in an affair just to keep their job. If your boss has been giving you subtle hints that he would like you to engage in an inappropriate relationship, it is important to tread carefully.
In the meantime, try to build a stronger case for yourself at work. Make sure you are excelling in your role and that you are doing everything you can to contribute to the company.
Many workplaces have policies against employees engaging in relationships with their superiors, so pursuing a sexual relationship with your boss could put your job at risk. Additionally, even if there are no explicit rules against workplace romance, getting involved sexually with your boss could create a hostile work environment for you and others. The fact that he is already married, could make things worse. Also, later, if things end badly between the two of you, it could also make it difficult to continue working together, professionally.
It can be difficult to navigate these types of situations, especially if you feel like you could lose your job if you don’t handle it correctly.
First and foremost, remember that your boss holds a position of power over you. This means that he could potentially use his authority to take advantage of you, both emotionally and sexually. If you sense that your boss is behaving inappropriately, it is important to speak up and set boundaries early on. The best thing to do in this situation is to have a direct conversation with your boss. You can explain your concerns and let him know that you are not interested in anything beyond a professional relationship. If he persists, you can remind him of the company’s policy on harassment and discrimination. Hopefully, this will put an end to the issue. However, if your boss continues to pursue you or makes you feel uncomfortable, you may need to speak to the HR.
Don’t do anything that can jeopardise your job. Be firm and build healthy
boundaries with him. Seek help from the HR if the situation demands.
Take care of yourself in the process. Process your emotions before reacting to anything.
Lastly, I would recommend that if you are unable to process the thoughts,
emotions, stress and the confusion around the situation, do consider seeking therapy. Don’t shy away from asking for help. I hope this helps!
For further queries, feel free to book an appointment with us.
Stay Blessed!
Dr. Chandni Tugnait is M.D. (Alternative Medicines), Psychotherapist, Life
Coach, Business Coach, NLP Expert, Healer, Founder & Director – Gateway
of Healing, with centres in Gurgaon and Faridabad.
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