What’s really behind mothers-in-law outshining the brides at weddings

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Disclaimer: This story has no connection to Brooklyn Beckham, Nicola Peltz, or Victoria Beckham. Any resemblance to real-life dynamics is purely coincidental, of course.

Every wedding has its characters. The nervous groom. The chirpy bride’s sister. The emotional bride’s parents. And then, sometimes, the mother-in-law who looks suspiciously bridal.

According to Dr Chandni Tugnait, psychotherapist and founder of Gateway of Healing, what we often read as rivalry is rarely about competition and far more about something quieter, older, and deeply human.

“It’s not always about wanting attention,” she explains. “Very often, it’s an unconscious response to the fear of becoming invisible.”

In Indian families, especially, a son’s wedding isn’t just an event; it’s a psychological shift. The woman who once occupied the emotional center of her son’s life suddenly feels that center move. And while no one prepares her for that transition, everyone expects her to handle it gracefully.

“She isn’t losing her son,” says Dr Tugnait, “but emotionally, it can feel like a loss of relevance if that role was central to her identity.”

So is the heavy jewelry. The dramatic outfit. The extra enthusiasm on the dance floor. This is less about the Main Character Syndrome and more about “Please notice I still matter.”

What looks like competition is often grief in disguise.

Many women of older generations were raised to derive worth almost entirely from family roles , caretaker, decision-maker, emotional anchor. Personal expression came later, if at all. Weddings, ironically, become one of the few socially sanctioned moments where they’re allowed to shine.

“When self-expression has been restricted for decades, it doesn’t always emerge subtly,” Dr Tugnait notes. “It can come out louder than intended.”

This isn’t vanity. It’s backlog.

And it doesn’t stop at weddings. The same dynamic resurfaces during pregnancies, festivals, and even career milestones, any moment that signals a shift in who holds emotional or social visibility within the family.

Pregnancy, especially, can be triggering. “It represents the passing on of motherhood itself,” she says. “For women whose identity was built around being the primary caregiver, that transition can bring grief before joy.”

The real issue begins when this behavior stops being a one-off and turns into a pattern, when boundaries are ignored, discomfort is dismissed, and couples are quietly pulled into loyalty conflicts.

That’s when “harmless” starts to strain marriages.

So, what does a healthier transition look like?

According to Dr Tugnait, it’s about moving from emotional centrality to emotional continuity. “The bond doesn’t disappear, it changes form,” she says. Secure mothers don’t compete for space; they allow it to expand. They remain connected without controlling, present without performing.

And perhaps most importantly, they have a life beyond motherhood.

Because when validation doesn’t depend on the spotlight, no one feels the need to steal it.

So, the next time a mother-in-law shows up looking a little too radiant, it may be worth pausing before rolling your eyes.

Now, if you want to debate whether the wedding day should be hers only and she should be allowed to grab all the limelight, well, let’s keep that discussion for another article.