“Mine is a loveless marriage and I have been having an affair with my tenant”

Query: Mine is a loveless marriage and I have been having an affair with my tenant. It was all going fine until my mother in law walked in on us one day while we were in a compromised state. I don’t know what she will do with this .. I have stopped going to my in laws’ floor but my husband goes. I don’t want this marriage to end. I had an affair just to fill the void that my husband cannot.

Response by Dr Chandni Tugnait: Hi, thank you for writing to us. I completely understand how unnerving this situation may be for you.

It has been few days since your mother-in-law found out about your affair with your tenant. You say that you don’t want your marriage to end, but you’re not sure what to do moving forward. It sounds like you’re feeling pretty stuck right now. It is natural to be worried about what she might say or do with this information, but it’s important to remember that she is likely just as shocked and surprised as you are.

One option might be to try to talk to your mother-in-law about what she saw. It’s possible that she’s feeling just as uncomfortable as you are and would be relieved to have a chance to talk about it. Try and talk to her about what happened, and explain that you understand why she was upset.

It’s important to be honest with her, and explain that you’re not happy in your marriage. Let her know that you didn’t mean to hurt anyone, and that you’re sorry for what happened.

It’s also important to think about what you want to do next. If you’re not happy in your marriage, then it might be time to consider leaving. This is a decision that you’ll need to make for yourself, but it’s important to talk to your mother-in-law about it. She might be able to help you make the decision, and she’ll definitely be able to support you through whatever you decide to do because if she wanted to share with your husband, she would have by now. She is obviously concerned about your marriage and well-being.

Alternatively, you could talk to your husband about what’s going on and see if the two of you can work together to figure out a way to move forward.

It’s also worth considering whether or not you want to continue your affair. It sounds like it was originally a way to fill a void in your marriage, but now that things have changed it might not be what you’re looking for anymore. It’s important to be authentic with everyone involved, including your tenant.

In case there’s no way to build your connection with your husband again, it’s time you evaluate if it’s even worth to stay in this marriage since you appear to be physically and emotionally detached from him.

No matter what you decide to do, it’s important to remember that you have options. You don’t have to stay in a situation that isn’t working for you. If you need help figure out what to do next, consider talking to a therapist who can offer guidance and support.

While it’s okay to feel sorry and work towards a better marriage (since you are certain that you don’t want the marriage to end), it is also important to assess the emotional void & possible childhood baggage within you that needs attention in order to break free from these patterns.

Take time to process your emotions, uncover your needs, build trust and connection with your husband and focus on a fulfilling life.

Lastly, I would recommend that if you are unable to process the thoughts, emotions, stress and the confusion around the situation, do consider seeking therapy. Also, see if your husband needs help with the same. Don’t shy away from asking for help. I hope this helps!

For further queries, feel free to book an appointment with us.

Stay Blessed!

Dr. Chandni Tugnait is M.D. (Alternative Medicines), Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Business Coach, NLP Expert, Healer, Founder & Director – Gateway of Healing, with centres in Gurgaon and Faridabad.