The inner numbness of high-achieving women

Dr Chandni Tugnait

She ticks all the boxes, whether it’s promotions, accolades, perfectly structured days, or curated confidence. She’s the go-to person, the planner, the achiever. But beneath that poised exterior, many highachieving women quietly carry something they rarely speak of: a strange, persistent numbness. It’s not sadness. It’s not depression. It’s a sense of disconnection, from joy, from spontaneity, sometimes even from themselves. And it doesn’t show up in breakdowns. It shows up in high-functioning routines, in busy schedules, in achievement after achievement that still doesn’t feel like enough. This inner numbness is not a flaw. It’s a signal. One that often gets silenced by productivity, perfectionism, and the pressure to keep going.

Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD (A.M) Psychotherapist, Life Alchemist, Coach & Healer, Founder & Director, Gateway of Healing, shares some insights on this inner numbness of high-achieving women Performing instead of feeling: Many high-achieving women have learned to perform emotions, smiling when exhausted, nodding when uncomfortable, listening when craving space. Their emotional radar becomes attuned to others while they lose touch with their own. They’re so used to being who they need to be in the room, they forget to ask: What do I feel in this moment?

1. Over-functioning as a safety mechanism: When success becomes a survival tool, over-functioning is the default mode. These women don’t just meet expectations, they exceed them, repeatedly. They manage teams, homes, friendships, sometimes all at once. But this constant motion often masks emotional stillness. The body may be moving, but the inner world feels frozen. It’s easier to do than to feel.
2. Achievement as a substitute for worth: From an early age, many high achieving women equated value with performance. Be the top scorer. Be the dependable one. Be the role model. Over time, achievement became their language of love and identity. But when self-worth is tied only to output, anything less than perfect feels like failure, and joy becomes conditional.
3. Disconnection from pleasure and play: Pleasure often feels inefficient. Play feels irresponsible. And rest? That feels like guilt. In the relentless pursuit of growth, many women forget what it’s like to be playful, sensual, creative, without it having to serve a purpose. The ability to feel deeply, to laugh freely, to rest fully, all become muted in a life built around “doing more.”
4. Intimacy becomes a performance: This numbness can quietly infiltrate relationships too. Vulnerability requires presence, and when the nervous system is wired for high alert, even love can feel like a task. Conversations become check-ins. Affection becomes routine. These women are present, but often not fully available, even to those they care about.
5. Avoiding motions through busyness: Success gives women the perfect hiding spot. It’s easy to mask grief, fear, or loneliness when the calendar is full and the inbox is overflowing.

The author is MD (A.M) Psychotherapist, Life Alchemist, Coach & Healer, Founder & Director, Gateway of Healing.