We’ve all been there, the stage when we are falling in love with a person and everything feels so perfect. An expert says: It’s perfectly normal to go through this process but what happens next? How do we mature from this infatuation into something more stable and sustainable? How do we manage to deal with our partner’s flaws once we get past the butterflies-in-the-stomach stage?
Dr. Chandni Tugnait, a psychotherapist, life and business coach, and founder-director of Gateway of Healing, says there are many reasons why people become emotionally unavailable to their partners. Tugnait talks about what one can do about this disconnect.
Getting too caught up in the infatuation phase
Falling head over heels for someone isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Some people enter relationships rather slowly, taking time to really get to know the other person and letting themselves fall slowly, whereas others rush into relationships and focus only on the good things. To some extent, all of us have rose-tinted glasses on, when we are infatuated with someone; everything about our new love-interest feels perfect, therefore we conclude that they must be right for us. We might also tend to neglect the issues in the relationship as a whole because we are driven by an intense need for completion that makes it hard for us to see things objectively. For this reason, people can get disappointed in their partners once they come out of this infatuation stage simply because they expect certain things from them that were never established.
No personal boundaries
Setting your own boundaries is something that many of us struggle with, especially in romantic relationships. It can feel scary to put a certain distance between you and your partner and it can be hard to find that right balance between getting too close and being suffocated by the relationship. However, having solid boundaries would allow you to enjoy this relationship while not losing yourself in it.
They have unrealistic expectations
Having realistic expectations about what you are entering into when you start a serious relationship is very important for the success of the relationship. A lot of people tend to set themselves up for failure as they create unrealistic expectations; for example, they might expect their partner to always be available and willing to put their relationship first, leaving other things aside.
They stop putting in effort
Putting in some sort of effort is what will keep relationships alive. When people stop trying to make things work it usually means that they have lost interest in the relationship but still want to hold on to it for as long as possible; usually because they are afraid of being alone or lonely.
They stop seeing their partner’s flaws
A relationship can only work if both people acknowledge each other’s flaws and learn how to deal with them accordingly. For example, if your partner has anger management issues, much care needs to be taken so they don’t lash out at you when they get mad or hold a grudge after they calm down. However, this can only happen if both partners are willing to talk about their flaws and improve the way they act on them.
They try taking control over their relationship
This usually happens when people are afraid of losing their loved ones so they try doing whatever it takes in order to keep them around as long as possible. However, trying to control every aspect of a relationship usually results in a lack of communication, emotionally suffocating the partner, nagging, sulking, and prevents any kind of healthy relationship from emerging.
They isolate themselves
Being emotionally unavailable to the point when you stop having friends can be very dangerous because when there is no one around to support you, it will be harder for your partner to do so as well. This makes the situation even worse because it becomes more and more difficult for anyone to help you break out of that vicious cycle.
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