Have you ever found it challenging to make emotional connections in relationships? You might have “attachment issues.”
Whether it’s with romantic partners, siblings, parents or friends, we all share emotional bonds with the people around us. Is building and sustaining healthy relationships a task for you? Do you find it hard to form emotional connections or struggle in maintaining them? Do you know someone who does? They might be experiencing what psychologists call “attachment issues.” It is important for us to understand different attachment styles and what signs of troubles in attachments look like:
What Are Attachment Issues?
Attachment issues are like invisible threads that make the fabric of our relationships, shaped by our childhood experiences. These patterns silently influence how we connect with others in our adult romantic partnerships.
Dr Chandni Tugnait, a practising psychotherapist and life coach explains what different attachment types look like: Secure attachment results from consistent nurturing whereby young children learn to trust their parents or guardians as dependably available and responsive. This establishes a lifelong template of healthy relating. Insecure attachment styles conversely arise when unreliable or inappropriate behaviours teach children that vulnerability only risks more hurt.
“Two main types of insecure attachment translate into intimacy struggles in adulthood. Anxious attachment fixates on the relationship with the needy and worries about abandonment or betrayal. Avoidant attachment distances from emotional closeness and dependence due to distrust. Both feature painful patterns subconsciously recreating unmet childhood needs for security,” she adds.
According to the expert, these are some common signs of insecure attachment patterns that may surface in relationships:
Anxious Attachment:
1. Preoccupation about the relationship status
2. Requires constant reassurance
3. Fear of abandonment
4. Jealousy/worry about partner’s loyalty
5. Overanalyses interactions for signs of distance
6. Makes sacrifices to please and “earn” love
Avoidant Attachment:
1. Values independence over emotional intimacy
2. Resists vulnerability or acts invulnerable
3. Denies needing closeness
4. Creates emotional and/or physical distance
5. Supresses emotions to avoid looking weak
6. Prioritises autonomy over bonding
“These behaviours reflect unhealed attachment wounds that project unmet childhood needs onto partners,” shares Tugnait, who adds, “We can override past programming by mindfully choosing secure attachment values of mutual care, respect, trust and interdependence in relationships instead.” Here are a few ways to fix attachment issues and patterns:
1. Seek therapy to unpack how your upbringing drives these behaviours and make peace with the past.
2. Commit to personal growth by taking responsibility for triggers and actively rewiring emotional reactions. Foster secure attachment by consciously showing up reliably, expressively and empathetically.
4. Choose an emotionally available, compassionate partner able to nurture closeness and earn trust.
5. Improve communication through vulnerable sharing, listening without judgement and discussing conflicts constructively.
6. Value interdependence by balancing intimacy with autonomy for both partners.
7. Keep evaluating the relationship health and have courage to leave if repeatedly disrespected/devalued.
8. Be patient and compassionate with yourself throughout the journey of earning secure attachment.
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