Knowing to set boundaries and maintaining them is an intrinsic part of building healthy relationships. An expert shares tips.
We all have a need for personal space – we need time alone to recharge our batteries, time with friends to let our hair down, and time with family to feel loved and supported. However, there are some people in our lives who constantly violate our personal space, leaving us feeling drained. These people just can’t seem to shake off and it’s hard not to react. However, there are ways of dealing with this situation gracefully. So, if you are wondering how to set boundaries with these people, and maintain them, come let’s learn!
It starts by getting clear on what our boundaries are. If we’re not sure where to start, here are some questions to ask:
* What makes me feel uncomfortable?
* What makes me feel taken advantage of?
* What makes me feel disrespected?
* What makes me feel unappreciated?
Answering these questions will help one understand one’s needs better and give a starting point for setting boundaries. If people in our life are not respecting the boundaries we’ve set for them, then it might be time to reevaluate our relationships.
There are different types of boundary violators, and here are three of the most common types:
The Guilt Tripper: This type of person tries to make us feel guilty in order to get their way.
The Manipulator: Manipulators are experts at getting what they want without seeming like they’re doing anything wrong.
The Energy Vampire: Energy vampires are the type of people who leave us feeling drained after spending time with them.
Emotional boundaries are important – be it in a toxic or non-toxic relationship. Image courtesy: Shutterstock
4 tips to set boundaries and maintain them with toxic people
Dr Chandni Tugnait is M.D. (Alternative Medicines), Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Business Coach, NLP Expert, Healer, Founder & Director – Gateway of Healing, shares some things to keep in mind to set boundaries for healthy relationships.
1. Know your limits
We should not let people push past us. If someone is bothering us every day or asking too many questions about something, we can always think of cutting off the contact for a while. It’s better to do that instead of continuing the conversation on an ongoing basis as this is only going to cause more stress.
2. Communicate boundaries clearly and assertively
We can set healthy boundaries and maintain them by communicating clearly. Ensure you communicate assertively and not aggressively. It’s okay to be firm and even say “no” when someone asks us to do something that makes us uncomfortable. This will also protect us from any kind of physical and emotional harm.
3. Don’t make excuses for their behaviour
It can be tempting to make excuses for the person who is violating our boundaries. Maybe we tell ourselves they’re going through a tough time, or they didn’t mean to hurt us. But making excuses for their bad behavior only enables it further. It’s important to hold them accountable for their actions and not let them off the hook.
Learn to put your point across in arguments! Image courtesy: Shutterstock
4. Be willing to walk away from the relationship
This one can be tough, but sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is walk away from a toxic relationship. This doesn’t mean we have to cut ties completely, but it does mean setting some distance between us and the person who is causing us harm. Sometimes, this is the only way to protect ourselves from further hurt and grief.
Setting healthy boundaries with everyone is important
Whether it’s a toxic family member, friend, or a co-worker, it can be hard to deal with them, especially when we care about them. However, it’s important to remember that we always have a choice in how we let others treat us. We don’t have to accept their bad behavior. With these simple tips, we can protect ourselves from further harm and begin to heal our own wounds and set the tone of how we would like to be treated.
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