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    “My wife has started following a spiritual guru and our sex life has gone for a toss”

    Reproduced only for reference to articles mentioning our name. All rights remain with the original publisher.

    The Times of India Connection & Care 4 Mins Read5 Views
    spiritual-guru

    Query: My wife has started following a spiritual guru and our sex life has gone for a toss ever since. She tells me we can’t get intimate anymore and her guruji tells her she should get over ‘moh maaya’. She is so absorbed in his lessons that she just refuses to listen. I have my needs, what should I do?

    Response by Dr Chandni Tugnait: Hi, thank you for writing to us. I completely understand how upsetting this situation may be for you.

    1x1 pollsIf your wife has started following a spiritual guru and this has disturbed the intimacy between the two of you, you should first try to understand why she has chosen this path. Talk to her and find out what led her to this decision. Try to reason with her and see if you can get her to listen to you. Communicate your physical and emotional needs and let her know how important she is for you. Be considerate towards her spiritual goals and ask her to find a balance so as to not let her married life get impacted by those. If she is not willing to listen, then you may have to consider other options.
    You could try speaking to her guru and see if he can help your wife to open up with you. If that doesn’t work, you may need to consider intervention from a trusted source like a family member you both look up to or a professional who can help you make the relationship healthy.
     
    Remember, it’s important to do what’s best for you and your wife, so, have an authentic conversation with her. It is possible that she is seeking guidance and support during a difficult time in her life. Talk to her about your concerns and listen to what she has to say too. If you can, try to be supportive of her decisions even if you don’t agree with them.
     
    Spiritual, social and personal needs can be operated at different levels and deeper satisfaction can be achieved through each of them. Instead of directly asking, you can acknowledge and support her deeper purpose and values. Once she understands that you are supportive and willing to contribute to her spiritual path, you can expect more emotional support in the process and that can lead to a far better understanding of your needs as well.
     
    Let her also know how even our scriptures mention the importance of fine balance in lives of married couples with regards to their duties and responsibilities and yet progressing to a higher level of spiritual journey. We have rights and duties towards our relationships as much as we have rights over our innermost calling.
     
    We all have a deeper need of being understood and acknowledged first; love and other needs find their way after that. Remember, it is a process and it will take its own time. Since this whole paradigm is going to be a new experience for you, you may find it difficult in the beginning. Keep your support intact with utmost honesty, and you will see how things shape up in developing a deeper relationship between the two of you.
     
    However, if despite all your attempts, your wife is not willing to listen to you or continues to put her guruji ahead of you, it may be time to reconsider your relationship. You deserve someone who will put you as an equal, and if your wife is unwilling or unable to do that, it may be best to evaluate the relationship.
     
    Also, process your own emotions and be aware of your reactions/behaviour around her. Showing maturity, having authentic communication and exhibiting compassion can be really supportive for both of you. Work towards building a strong foundation through dialogue and contribution.
     
    Take care of yourself in the process. Whenever you feel overwhelmed by thoughts, write down your feelings in a journal in order to process them better. Approach the situation with compassion.
     
    Lastly, I would recommend that if you/your wife are unable to come up with a constructive resolution in this regard, do seek help from a coach or a therapist who can guide you better in balancing different aspects of the relationship, including the intimacy. Don’t shy away from asking for help. I hope this helps!
     
    Dr. Chandni Tugnait is M.D. (Alternative Medicines), Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Business Coach, NLP Expert, Healer, Founder & Director – Gateway of Healing, with centres in Gurgaon and Faridabad

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